I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT WHEN I LOOK BACK AND THINK OF HOW I IMAGINED MY LIFE TURNING OUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NOTHING LIKE THIS. JUST BECAUSE MY LIFE DIDN'T TURN OUT ANY PARTICULAR WAY DOESN'T MEAN IT IS A BAD THING OR THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED. ON THE CONTRARY.
WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG THERE IS MORE FREEDOM IN BEING SPONTANEOUS AND YOU HAVE LESS RESPONSIBILITY - THOUGH NOT EVERYONE LIVES THE SAME LIFE AS ANOTHER. FOR ME I HAVE LIVED MORE LIFE WITH LESS POSITIVES. IMAGINE THAT. I EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS THAT I HAD FOR MYSELF AND MADE THE MOST OF WHAT I HAD TO WORK WITH AND WHAT I FOUND WAS WITHIN THAT I WAS FORCED TO PUSH HARDER AT LIVING MY LIFE THE WAY I WANTED IT TO GO.
OF COURSE I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF UPS AND DOWNS AND THE MILLIONS OF HURTS AND LET DOWNS AS EVERYONE DOES. I NEVER DREAMED I WOULD EVER HAVE A CHILD AND I AM THE PROUDEST PARENT.....I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD ACTUALLY GO ON TO SCHOOL OR TRADE BUT DID BOTH. YOU CAN NEVER KNOW WHAT LIFE HAS IN STORE. IF YOU DON'T REALLY LIVE UP TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL AND JUST STAY SETTLED IN THE EASY CHAIR YOU HAVE BECOME SO COMFORTABLE IN THEN YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEIGHS ON ME A LOT. I THOUGHT THAT MY FRIENDS FROM MY PAST WOULD ALWAYS BE MY FRIENDS, LIKE MY OTHER FAMILY THAT REALLY UNDERSTOOD ME. COME TO FIND THAT EVERYONE WENT THEIR SEPARATE WAYS AND NOT SO GOOD IN MY OPINION. DRUGS PLAYED A HUGE PART IN ALL OF IT AND IT'S BEEN A REALLY SAD REUNION WITH MANY OF THEM. BECAUSE OF THIS I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SEE THE REALITY THAT SITS IN FRONT OF ME. THESE ARE PEOPLE I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR BUT HAVE SUDDENLY TURNED INTO VICTIMS. I DO REALIZE THAT DRUG ADDICTION IS A DISEASE - OFTEN TIMES MANY THINGS COME INTO PLAY. THERE IS THE HEREDITARY FACTOR, THE CIRCUMSTANCES WE ARE FACED TO DEAL WITH IN LIFE, MENTAL ILLNESS AND SO MUCH MORE.
WHAT I FIND COMPLETELY APPALLING IS THAT SO MANY PEOPLE IN LIFE SUFFER FROM MANY HORRIFIC SITUATIONS AND CIRCUMSTANCES. THEN YOU THROW IN JOB LOSS, RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, LOSING PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES FOR VARIOUS REASONS, TRAUMA, ETC. I CAN'T SPEAK ON THIS FOR EVERYONE BUT IN MY FAMILY WE DO HAVE A LOT OF SUBSTANCE ADDICTION AND MENTAL ILLNESS BUT IT'S NOT MY CRUTCH AND I REFUSE TO PLAY VICTIM TO IT. I THINK IF YOU ARE TRULY IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU NEED HELP THEN ASK FOR IT. DON'T EXPECT TO GO AROUND ON A PITTY TRIP AND ABUSE OTHERS TO GET OVER ON THEM BECAUSE THAT DAMAGES ANY HOPE OF THAT FRIENDSHIP HOLDING ANY MEANING - EVEN IF IT WAS SO GREAT IN THE PAST.
I AM ALSO SICK OF THESE PEOPLE THAT I KNOW WHO GOT HEAVY INTO DRUGS, GOT INTO WEIRD SEXUAL THINGS (WHO ALSO BROUGHT CHILDREN INTO THE WORLD WITH NO BUSINESS RAISING THEM) AND NOW THAT THE FUN IS OVER LIFE IS SO SERIOUS FOR THEM AND THEY ARE SO SELF-RIGHTEOUS. MY RESPECT COMES OUT WITH A PERSON WHO IS ABLE TO HELP OTHERS BY WHAT THEY KNOW AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH - THE PREACHING I CAN DO WITHOUT. IT'S NOT UP TO ME TO JUDGE THEM BUT IT'S MY RIGHT TO HAVE AN OPINION.
WHEN I TALK ABOUT MAKING STRIDES IN YOUR LIFE IT IS REALLY A SIMPLE THING I GO TO AT A TIME OF TROUBLE. YES MY HEALTH IS FRUSTRATING. YES MY CHILD WAS NOT DEALT A FAIR HAND IN LIFE. YES - LIFE COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER......BUT COULDN'T THINGS ALSO BE SO MUCH WORSE? SO WHEN I GET DOWN I HAVE TO REMEMBER THOSE WORDS. MY LIFE IS FULL OF DISAPPOINTMENT ALL THE TIME - IT DOESN'T END WITH AGE OR GROWING A THICKER SKIN. BUT FOR EVERY BAD THING I HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THERE ARE ABOUT TWENTY TIMES MORE THAT COULD BE WORSE. LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT IS YOUR LAST AND MAKE IT COUNT. AND NEVER FORGET THAT NO MATTER HOW HARD THINGS CAN GET - NEVER BECOME THE VICTIM. MAKE THE STRIDES IN YOUR LIFE MATTER AND CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO WORK AT THEM A LITTLE BIT HARDER.
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