IMPULSE CONTROL

Impulse control is not a want or desire - it is absolutely necessary.  This can also play a part in addiction and addictive personalities.  I'm sure if we all sat down with a pen and paper and wrote down our many things we wish to "curb" or rid ourselves of we would have quite a few things. 
I haven't exactly sat down and written all of this out but I do know I have many problems in this area.  If you read my writings you know that I use my own life and personal experiences to talk about and share.  Nothing too private but if I don't write on actual knowledge than I'm basically guessing and that isn't who I am.  
For all of my life I have tended to always go the opposite direction as everyone else.  I have chosen friendships where I gave all of my trust and insecurities away only to be hurt or betrayed in the end.  It's been worse in my love life.  I'm a relationship person - meaning I don't like to date really.  Generally I can tell right away if I want to really be involved with a person or not and the funny thing is that unless it comes down to a personal dilemma I will try and make it work with a person I have lost complete interest in....simply for the sake of determination and also for the fact that I made a commitment.  The people close to me all know that I don't make promises because I don't want to let anyone down and my world is one constant changing cycle.  There never are two days the same. 
Now I have to swallow my pride and admit something that I have been really been trying to look at objectively in myself.  The relationships I choose with men seem to be unhealthy.  I have a strong belief that there are two kinds of people in this world.  There are good people who make really bad decisions and then there are just the people who are wired wrong.  I don't know how else to phrase that.  I'm sure if you think about it you know many of both types.  My problem is that I want to believe that people are good and that maybe I can be the one to help them out of a life they are punishing themselves living.  This whole thing comes from my past and the people I used to surround with.  There are so many Beatle song references I could use right now as I'm thinking....
I wouldn't say I feel sorry for people and get myself involved, because I prefer to live a fairly simplistic life and work at keeping my chaotic life calm - BUT - I want so much for people to succeed and if there is anything I can do I want to try.  I'm in no position to be a "fixer" and at times I find myself in the very role.  My relationships are a disaster and I have finally come to terms with the fact that after being engaged four times I am just a hopeless, or rather, hopeful romantic. 
These impulses of mine can be harmful and unhealthy in so many ways.  Generally I end up feeling really bad because I have been of no use to that person or I feel that by being too giving it is looked at as being too pushy which really isn't the case.  When you feel so deeply and so strong in your convictions your life takes on a whole new meaning.  These are definitely the impulses I need to control and I need to learn to take my own advise when I talk with my friends about these very issues. 
Impulse can be very harmless or it can change your life forever in ways you wished it hadn't.  At the end of it all you have to find your boundaries and what you need for your own life to make certain your life is level and you have a true balance to it. 
And yes, I do jump around when I write but I put down the very thoughts that are entering my mind at the present time.  When I write about such personal things I always have a revelation about something and have that "oh ok" moment.  The moment when something finally makes sense. 
Your impulses are all about structure and discipline.  Sounds fairly simple but actually quite challenging.  As I become more aware of the person I am there are parts I like better and other parts I don't like so much.  I'm a work in progress but I will get there. 
Best of luck to all of you and if you struggle too much and your life is being so negatively effected then it is time to get medicated!  Trust me on that one....