Everybody has their own truth. What you see isn't necessarily what you get. One thing I have had to come to terms with personally was my own truth. Who I really was. How did I become that person. The most difficult thing was the journey in finding it.
In order to really know who you are I believe there are some basic philosophies to it. One being that your past effects your future and the other is what you are experiencing now. There are also environmental factors, the way in which we choose to navigate our life. The choices we make, have made, and will continue making. But - there is one very dark thing about what your truth really is.
For the record, each blog I write reflects my life and I am strictly writing by my life experiences. If I chose to just voice an opinion simply because I felt like it then maybe it would hold no relevance. I write because it is sort of therapeutic for me and it also shows a little of who I am.
Anyone who has experienced PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) or Repressed Memories - then you will understand this very painful area of what may be a contributor of your truth.
To some extent the majority of people have sufferred from one or both of those two very heavy factors. For me I have dealt with both and let me tell you - it has been one of the hardest things I have ever come to terms with and it is a challenge I struggle with daily.
When I was getting older I was making poor choices in particular areas of some basic life choices. You can know someone your entire life but never really "know" them. There are people who have been in your life since it started, people you trusted.....who have been awful. Once you realize you are really having some problems your life can become very difficult if it isn't already complete chaos. I have always been a person who could talk to most anyone and was never shy about it. The gift of talking is a trait I clearly inherited from my Dad. He can talk to anyone on any given day but the trouble my Dad has is that it is somehow in the delivery of what he is saying that may somehow offend people. My Dad is extremely intelligent and many people value his opinion. And no - he is not a college graduate with some fancy degree. I will say that with my Dad his intuition is spot on every time. That is another trait I have inherited from him. However, for me, I have ignored it most of my life and it has gotten me into some really difficult situations.
As more time passes I am finding out more about myself and what I found is that by uncovering my truth was like opening Pandoras box.....the unkind gift that keeps on giving. With each broken piece I find I just sit and think that there is no way it could have happened or that is really isn't true. I will analyze it until I can't think anymore.
You can never know why people hurt you in the way that they do or how you could have allowed someone to treat you in the way that they have. The truth of it is that we judge ourselves the way we feel we deserve and often times we are way too harsh about it. It's not a fair trade. So it's like "well this happened and I must have deserved it and that is why"...
That is wrong. Abuse is never justified in any way. Allowing others to treat you poorly is, believe it or not, something you do not have to tolerate. Of everything I continue on the path of learning what has made me the person I am I have realized one thing: we have not only the power BUT we have the right to be treated with respect and humanity. Very basic but easier said than done. I know.
Low self worth can be an obstacle to overcome and some people never do. I refuse to let people beat me down. It may happen after a particular situation and your nerves are just shot and you feel there is nothing left in you but then you realize you absolutely must fight your way in beating the negativity. I realize I am far from always being able to do that right away but it's getting better. My Mom always told me I was such a grudge holder but as I've gotten older I realize that even when people have wronged you in the very worse ways, getting beyond the point in which you were broken is healing for you. It's not about everyone else. If you cannot be right with your own self you will never be right for anyone. When you are raising children it is vital that you are completely in tact. Leading by example isn't even worth it when you are stuck in self pity. There comes a point where we have to get past it and by allowing yourself to find your own truth it doesn't mean it's all taken care of and life is hearts and unicorns. We need to find as much as we can but not by means of self sacrifice either. Basically it is learning about who you are but learning in a way that you can cope with what you are finding out.
If your truth is painful, as mine has been, sometimes there are days where I feel so numb that I am just not me. Other times I make myself physically sick. I still feel those ways but now I will not allow those feelings to ruin me. I can still feel hurt, confused, analyze it without any resolution, but I am learning how to deal a little better with the pain of my truth. Meditation and relaxation are really great things. Just learning how to become calm is a victory in it of itself.
Find your truth and learn who you really are. This facade we are trying to work may be easy to see through by others. It's ok to not be perfect. We are only human and your truth isn't right or wrong - it is what makes you who you really are.
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