It seems like lately this is one of the strongest phrases that I am trying to pound into my brain. I am a person who needs resolution in any situation I am in. It's not a matter of being right or having the final word. For me resolution is a respectful way to sort of end a chapter in order to finish a situation. It's something that so many people don't know or even care to do. Well, I am not one of those people.
I've been in situations where it was near impossible to stand the sight of a certain person for whatever the reason but when it's time to finish business there needs to be a way that you are willing to somehow meet in the middle to give it a final farewell. In my past I had a relationship where his voice was like nails on a chalkboard - the whining voice on the other end of the phone or the random notes when he just "happened to be in the area" and I would be so mad. To make this more clear this person disrespected my child and honestly didn't deserve any closure from me whatsoever but I knew it was the right thing to do. As much as I detested him, and still do, I felt that ending that chapter was what needed to happen. I have to say I was brutally honest, maybe even mean. What was the point of beating around the bush? I tried to be thoughtful in how I said things but it was extremely difficult when I thought back to things he had said and done. It was a quick sort of meeting and it ended on a neutral note. To be even more clear I would never have anything to do with this person again as long as he is in existence.
I have the ability to tolerate most people but I am incredibly selective about the company I keep. My extraordinarily small circle of friends are of value and substance in my life - the people who are there when I need them, the addition to family (if they aren't already), but most importantly it's about quality rather than quantity. I'm learning how to let go of some things but what most people don't realize that it isn't anything you want from them. The things I need from someone when things need to just be finalized can be something as simple as an acknowledgement of something really wrong or hurtful that they did. When your feelings are not validated it makes it hard to move past that person or situation. I've realized that it really isn't about the person or situation but more about the principle of what it is about. In my opinion this is important for the other party to recognize - especially when it is an obvious pain or deep wound you have from their actions or even those of your own.
Owning your own mistakes and accepting those of others is challenging. I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose and I never understand how so much hurt can be caused and then completely ignored. Maybe I don't want to understand. I don't know but this is a topic that is very close to my heart right now and I don't know when exactly it will go away. Sometimes we do just need to recognize that your feelings won't be validated and the poor actions of the other will never be acknowledged. I don't know why but I think if a person can be so cold and simply ignore it all and just go about life there comes a point where we just need to move on from it and I'm trying. You never stop learning - it is a life lesson and one I am taking one step at a time. Will I ever find the closure I am in such desperation to have or will it just always sit at the back of my mind? I won't know until I have reached a decision one way or the other but I can say that with the support of the people I'm able to be vulnerable with and confide in makes all the difference in how I get through it all. I need to let go but I haven't quite figured out how. A work in progress.....
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